Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
