I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
