I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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