and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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