Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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