Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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