summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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