Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
