As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
