I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
