Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize