Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
