if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
