Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
honey bunches of taint.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
