everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
