I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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