I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
