I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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