You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
