Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
