Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
