she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
