Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
