Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
