I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
