How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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