i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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