she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
