I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
