awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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