brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
