So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
