youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
