i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
