in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
