Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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