Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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