He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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