Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
