lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize