of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
