the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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