He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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