ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
