That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
