You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize