so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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