Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize