I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
