So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
