Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
