So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
