This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
