They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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