They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
