Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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