..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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