I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
