This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
