and next time when you feel me up, do it right
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
