The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
