Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize