I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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