Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
