First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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