I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
