Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
