I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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