I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
