Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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