This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize