Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
