Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
