her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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