my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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