never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize