Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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