you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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