there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize