i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
