I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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