She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
