he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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