Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
