ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
