Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
