I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
