Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
