woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
