Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
