That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
