Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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