he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
