her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
