This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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