Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
