Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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