So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
