At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize