It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
