She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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