Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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