found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
