At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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