So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
