After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
