My Higher Power is John Stamos
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
