How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
