I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
