I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize