I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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